What is People Pleasing?

From a very young age, it is ingrained in most people that they should be kind and courteous to others. This usually translates to saying kind words and helping people when needed. However, for others, this can extend to unhealthy extremes when the need to help comes at the expense of their own needs.

Signs of a People Pleaser

It is important to remember that there is a massive difference between being a kind and caring person and a people pleaser. The following signs will help you decide which category your fall under:

Acting Differently in Front of Various People

People who constantly need to please others will often act the way they think a specific person expects. In most cases, this means that they will have behaviours that are apparent to one person or group of people and then change when they are either at home or with someone else. 

The Constant Need for Praise 

Often, since people-pleasers thrive on the approval of others, they are more likely to ask for the praise they need. Even the most minor task they perform will result in them asking for the approval of others to be able to hear that they did a good job.

Being the “Yes” Person

People pleasers often have difficulty saying “no” to others simply because they fear it will be met with disapproval. If they succeed in saying “no,” they often feel guilty. On the other hand, if they say “yes,” they often feel shame that they couldn’t stand up for themselves in the first place.

Apologising Constantly

Some people pleasers constantly need to apologise, even if they did nothing wrong. For example, if someone expresses that something happened to them, you might apologise and take on the blame. 

Agreeing Even When You Disagree

During conversations, a people pleaser will sometimes agree with the person speaking, although they may not believe what they are saying. Once again, it goes back to the constant need to please others.

You Never Seem to Have Time for Yourself

People pleasers are often so busy helping others that they neglect the essential things important to them. They often see that it is more important to do for others and that what they need can wait for another time.

People-pleasing stems from the belief that you should put others before yourself. While this is an honourable trait, you must be careful not to go overboard. When helping others results in your needs not being met, it may be time to take a second look.